Do you want to be right, or do you want the relationship?

This bit of advice came from my neighbor.   We all know someone who seems to have all the answers.  And it can be a wonderful thing if that person wants to "help" with their knowledge.  But it is another thing when that person wants to "change you" so that you believe or think like them.  My father used to say, "never talk about politics or religion".  Most people have been raised to be politically conservative or liberal, and are either strong in their faith or not.  Both topics seem to bring out polarizing views, and most times, you are not going to change the other person.  So this advice is about all topics where you think you are "right" but the other person in your "relationship" differs.  Do you want to sacrifice the relationship to be right, or do you want the relationship?  My husband has a friend who is worried about my husband's "salvation".  The friend doesn't think that my husband worships in a way that will get him into heaven.  The friend is about to sacrifice the relationship, because he won't let the subject go.   In that case, it is my husband who is about to "stay away" from the person who always thinks that their interpretation is "right".  But there are lots of successful married relationships where spouses have opposing views, but choose the relationship over being "right".  Again, using religion or politics as examples, there are many happily married couples where one spouse goes to one church, and the other goes to another.  They accept each other's "differences" and choose the relationship instead.  So when someone is always fighting with you because they have to be right, you can make a choice to ignore them, let them be right and chose the relationship, or you can walk away from the relationship.  Likewise, if you are the one who thinks YOU are right,  you have to decide if the other persons views are "wrong" enough for you to "walk away".  But a decision has to be made, "do you want to be right, or do you want the relationship?"

Use a checkbook register to teach children about managing money.

I have NEVER regretted how I taught my girls how to manage their finances.  I started when they were very young.  We gave them an allowance, but we never gave them the cash.  We kept all of their money, including gifts from grandparents or from birthdays, and logged the amount into a paper register from a checkbook.  (This might be outdated by the time my grandchildren read this, but they can always do a "search" on an image of a checkbook register.)  I "added" any allowance or money gift into the register and carried them in my purse.  If the girls ever asked us for a toy or clothing or something they really wanted, we showed them how much they had in their register, and determined if they had enough to buy what they wanted.  I would pay for their item, and subtract the amount from the register.  Years later, my oldest daughter found her register book.  She added up all of the expenditures and came to a wonderful conclusion.  "Mom, I don't use any of these items I bought, and if I still had that money, I would have $XXX left."  (I think it was around $7-800, which at the time was a huge amount to this young girl in the mid 1990's.  We had the girls all get jobs at 16, and then told them to save what they earned for college.  We would pay for their education at a state university, for books and room and board.  But they would have to pay for all social activities.  We never gave our girls a credit card, never let them have unlimited spending, and they had to manage all of their finances during these years.  As a result., we have raised them to be three fiscally responsible adults.

Contentment is wanting what you already have

I learned this definition of contentment from a friend visiting our Florida home.  I love this saying.  Are you content?  What we should all strive for is to be content with what we already have, and stop wanting for what we don't have or can't have.  My poor mother was born just before the Great Depression of the 1930's.  Her family was from the boot heel of Missouri, and were "dirt poor".  My mother always wanted more.  She was never content.  When she died at 86, the thing that made me the most sad is that mom was never content.  She always wanted more.  She wanted bigger houses, nicer furniture, better children, a better husband, etc.  In fact, this definition stems from scripture.  Paul speaks to the Philippians in 4:11-12:  "Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and
I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have
learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance
and suffering need."  In my bible studies, it is emphasized over and over that the secret to happiness and contentment is to trust in God and to just want what He has already given to you.

Drink right, eat left

I love little sayings that help me to remember proper etiquette.  When I was first dating my husband, he was  working for what was then known as a Big 8 accounting firm.  We went out to a private dinner club with one of the partners.  There were pieces of silverware and glassware everywhere.  My dad was a warehouseman and I came from a lower middle class family.  Although I never felt "less than" anyone else, I commented to the partner that I hoped I used the proper utensil.  He told me not to worry and to follow him.  But here are a few little sayings to help you remember which glass and plate are yours.  When you set the table, your drink goes on the right and your bread plate should be on the left...remember dRink Right and Eat lEft  (The "r" is in drink and it is to your Right, and the word left has the "e" for eat).    When you are setting the table, remember that knife and spoon have 5 letters as does right, and fork has four letters as does left.  So your two forks go on the left, and your knife and spoon go on the right.  When eating, use the utensil on the outside first and work your way in. Teach your children these little techniques and they will always have confidence eating in fine restaurants or in setting their own table for dinner parties.

Let your friends and family "off the hook" when they try to decline an invitation.

Many times we get an invitation to something that we just don't want to do.  Sometimes we feel like we have to tell a little white lie just to "excuse ourselves" from the invitation.  I'm sure I have been guilty of "hounding" someone to do something that they just don't want to do, but I hope it was for little things like, "oh please go see that movie with me.".  When I got married, I chose to have the ceremony in my husband's  small family church that was an hour outside of our city, and 1.5 hours from where my mother's family lived.  My dad hated to drive and I knew that for him, it would have been a burden to drive that far for a niece or a friend's child.  So I had a cake and punch reception at my husband's church for his family, and then we had a second reception at my parents house for my family and friends (although my husbands family were all invited to attend that reception if they wanted to drive into the city).  We let everyone "off the hook" for attending the wedding so that they wouldn't have to drive far.  What I do remember is that my one aunt, who lived the furthest away, brought my grandfather to my wedding because he really wanted to be there.  (As I am writing this, I am tearing up at the thought of her kindness).  But I didn't "blame" or think less of any of my aunts, uncles and friends who only came to the reception at my parents because I had let them off the hook.  How many times have you had a friend or family member who keeps after you to do something your really don't want to do?  I have three daughters who are all at the age where their friends are getting married, and they are being asked to be bridesmaids.  One of the trends is for the bride to have a destination bachelorette party.   But when my daughter said that she didn't want to spend that much money for a long weekend, the bride was offended and wouldn't let her off the hook.   It made for a very uncomfortable few weeks.  It was nothing personal to the bride, but my daughter did not want to extend herself that much for a weekend.  The destination party wasn't even exclusive to the bridal party, as some 20+ girls had been invited.   So don't be selfish and expect everyone to want to do what you have planned.  If they say they can't (or won't), let them off the hook, don't hound them, and love them anyway.

Always reply to voice messages and emails

Nothing has made me angrier in recent years than "friends" who don't take the time to answer an email or voice message.   It is one thing if you get a call from someone you always talk to and her message says, "hi, I'm just in the car and thought I would kill time".  In that situation, you don't need to call back.  But if you get a call from someone who you consider to be a "good friend" and they say "I was calling about....please call me back", then you should call back.  If you are super busy, maybe sending a text back saying, "got your voice message but I don't have time to talk now...can I call you back in the a.m.? "  Or if someone sends an email to you and it is not a forward, but meant just for you, then at least write back something.  An acquaintance recently said that she wanted to purchase something that I had bought a year earlier.  I went home and did all the research for her and sent her the links by email.  That acquaintance immediate shot back an email saying, "thanks for all the work you did."  That response took her a few seconds.   She might never act on the information I sent to her, but at least she acknowledged my effort.  But I'll bet we all have a friend who never returns your call or hits "reply" to an email that is addressed just to her.  That person makes me feel like our friendship is not that important to her.  My life lesson here is that you should always "respect" the other person enough to return the call or the email.  If you don't want to talk, start with, "I only have a few minutes, but I wanted to get back with you as soon as I could".  Let your friends know that they are important and you value their friendship.

Don't present problems, present solutions.

This bit of advice came from my first manager at my first job right out of college.  I was hired as a marketing representative at IBM in the Data Processing Division.  My manager brought me into his office and suggested this bit of advice.  He said that if anything went wrong in an account,  I was expected to come to him presenting what the problem was, and then giving him three potential solutions.  And he expected me to have thought out those solutions and to let him know which one I would recommend.  What did that teach me?  To not just "react" and run to the boss.  I had to think out what the problem was, and to work on figuring out the solutions myself.  Because of him,  I now think of myself as a "problem solver", and that was not good in raising children.  I haven't always allowed my girls to solve their own problems, and that was a mistake.  i should have stopped them when presenting a problem,  and told them to state the problem and to give me three possible solutions.  Of course 1-2 of them might be totally unacceptable, but that is okay.  It would have taught them to think things through before running to mom or dad.  Hopefully, they will not allow their children to come to them with only problems, but with potential solutions.  It makes for a much more optimistic personality and an independent adult.