NEVER EVER EVER Do Business with Family....NEVER EVER EVER!!!

Coming soon...

Don't envy others, because it's not always the way it seems.

With new social media, it is sometimes so easy to look at other peoples lives, and think, "Wow, I wish my life was a good as his/hers".   With our lives being published on Facebook and Twitter,  some people can spin their lives to look perfect:  beautiful children, a wonderful marriage, lots of material things, exotic vacations, etc.  But what I have learned is that their actual life isn't always the way it seems.  One of my daughter's very good friends publishes wonderful praise for her husband.  I said to my daughter that her friend's marriage seemed so perfect, and she just laughed.  "Mom, she tells me all the time the problems with her marriage and sometimes she is really unhappy and frustrated."  I'm not judging her friend for not having as great a marriage as she "spins" in social media, but I want to pass on the life lesson, that if you envy other's for their life situations, you might not know how many skeletons are in their closets, or how miserable they might really be.  Some of the "happiest" people can be the most depressed when they are alone.  So don't compare yourself and your relationships with others.  The more you know about the other's, the less you might want to envy.

Don't tell people how they should feel.

People have all different life experiences and all types of views.  Once I was telling a group of friends that my daughter had started dating a boy with a disease that he could live with, but it would greatly impact his lifestyle, thus impacting hers if she got involved with him.  I voiced my concern with these friends and one of them said, "You shouldn't feel that way".  Who was she to tell me how I should feel?  I hate that saying.  When you say that, you are judging that person.  What you are saying, is that YOU know the right way to "feel" and the other person is "wrong".  So try to understand where the other person is coming from.  Offer up alternatives, or voice how you might feel in the same situation, but unless you have lived the exact same experience, don't tell someone, "you shouldn't feel that way".

Live for today, don't worry about tomorrow.

I am now 59 years young.  I color my hair, I try to work out and maintain my weight.  Between my eyes, I am in my 20's (or maybe 30's) but when I look in the mirror it shows a much older woman.  Today I found out that a very good friend of mine who is within 3 years of my age died suddenly from a brain aneurysm.  I have been wanting to update this blog for over a year, and have been putting it off.  I started thinking about Mary and all of the things she might have wanted to do if she knew she only had another day, week or even a year left.  Did she spend as much time with her children and grandchildren that she wanted?  Did she eat that chocolate ice cream that she might have denied herself?  I know we have to plan for the future and make sacrifices today, but Mary's sudden departure made me think of all the things I would want to do with my limited time.  So I am picking up my computer again, and making sure that my life lessons are documented for my grandchildren.  So kids, don't worry about tomorrow.  Live one day at a time and enjoy it.  Don't be anxious about tomorrow.  Plan for and be prepared for the future, but live for today, and make the best of it.

Do you want to be right, or do you want the relationship?

This bit of advice came from my neighbor.   We all know someone who seems to have all the answers.  And it can be a wonderful thing if that person wants to "help" with their knowledge.  But it is another thing when that person wants to "change you" so that you believe or think like them.  My father used to say, "never talk about politics or religion".  Most people have been raised to be politically conservative or liberal, and are either strong in their faith or not.  Both topics seem to bring out polarizing views, and most times, you are not going to change the other person.  So this advice is about all topics where you think you are "right" but the other person in your "relationship" differs.  Do you want to sacrifice the relationship to be right, or do you want the relationship?  My husband has a friend who is worried about my husband's "salvation".  The friend doesn't think that my husband worships in a way that will get him into heaven.  The friend is about to sacrifice the relationship, because he won't let the subject go.   In that case, it is my husband who is about to "stay away" from the person who always thinks that their interpretation is "right".  But there are lots of successful married relationships where spouses have opposing views, but choose the relationship over being "right".  Again, using religion or politics as examples, there are many happily married couples where one spouse goes to one church, and the other goes to another.  They accept each other's "differences" and choose the relationship instead.  So when someone is always fighting with you because they have to be right, you can make a choice to ignore them, let them be right and chose the relationship, or you can walk away from the relationship.  Likewise, if you are the one who thinks YOU are right,  you have to decide if the other persons views are "wrong" enough for you to "walk away".  But a decision has to be made, "do you want to be right, or do you want the relationship?"

Use a checkbook register to teach children about managing money.

I have NEVER regretted how I taught my girls how to manage their finances.  I started when they were very young.  We gave them an allowance, but we never gave them the cash.  We kept all of their money, including gifts from grandparents or from birthdays, and logged the amount into a paper register from a checkbook.  (This might be outdated by the time my grandchildren read this, but they can always do a "search" on an image of a checkbook register.)  I "added" any allowance or money gift into the register and carried them in my purse.  If the girls ever asked us for a toy or clothing or something they really wanted, we showed them how much they had in their register, and determined if they had enough to buy what they wanted.  I would pay for their item, and subtract the amount from the register.  Years later, my oldest daughter found her register book.  She added up all of the expenditures and came to a wonderful conclusion.  "Mom, I don't use any of these items I bought, and if I still had that money, I would have $XXX left."  (I think it was around $7-800, which at the time was a huge amount to this young girl in the mid 1990's.  We had the girls all get jobs at 16, and then told them to save what they earned for college.  We would pay for their education at a state university, for books and room and board.  But they would have to pay for all social activities.  We never gave our girls a credit card, never let them have unlimited spending, and they had to manage all of their finances during these years.  As a result., we have raised them to be three fiscally responsible adults.

Contentment is wanting what you already have

I learned this definition of contentment from a friend visiting our Florida home.  I love this saying.  Are you content?  What we should all strive for is to be content with what we already have, and stop wanting for what we don't have or can't have.  My poor mother was born just before the Great Depression of the 1930's.  Her family was from the boot heel of Missouri, and were "dirt poor".  My mother always wanted more.  She was never content.  When she died at 86, the thing that made me the most sad is that mom was never content.  She always wanted more.  She wanted bigger houses, nicer furniture, better children, a better husband, etc.  In fact, this definition stems from scripture.  Paul speaks to the Philippians in 4:11-12:  "Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and
I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have
learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance
and suffering need."  In my bible studies, it is emphasized over and over that the secret to happiness and contentment is to trust in God and to just want what He has already given to you.